" I lifted my head from Charity's shoulder, looked at her, and said: "I gotta go." She nodded her head, closing her eyes momentarily and then looking into my eyes. I stood up and grabbed Charity's hand and said: "Charity, will you come with?" Charity jumped up and said: "Whatever I can do...I am here for you Annie."
And Charity then drove me home....
As we walked through the front door, it seemed like utter chaos. People were everywhere. Some of my brothers and sisters had already arrived, friends and other members of our family had started to arrive, and there was Father Gordon...sitting in a chair, he now stood up as I walked into the room. Charity had her arm wrapped around mine, and Father Gordon approached us.
Father Gordon was our head priest at the parish. He was an older man and had always been extremely kind to both me and my family.
I really wasn't ready to deal with any...I mean any comforting words...from anyone...including Father Gordon. As we walked up to one another, I started out cordial, introducing Charity to Father Gordon. Father Gordon asked me: "How can I help?"
I just looked at him and shook my head back and forth: "A little late for that Father...my Dad is gone." Father Gordon did not reply.
Then, being a type of person with a personality for sarcasm and a smart mouth, looked at Father Gordon and responded: "You know what...you can do something for me. Remember last Sunday in your homily where you mentioned "God being sinless"? Well, you were wrong...He sinned today...He murdered my father. Don't tell people He is loving and kind...and all that....He is certainly not!"
It was at that moment...something began to break. I felt this extreme hurt and pain coming from my stomach...and tears began to pour down my cheek. I leaned on Charity, who braced me with her arms...and I started to cry...crying in an almost revengeful manner. It hurt...so bad. Father Gordon stood there beside us, saying nothing, just bowing his head. I began to cry hard for a moment...and I reached out and grabbed Father Gordon's hand...it wasn't his fault he believed in a God...that could be that mean.
I kind of regathered myself...Mom had always taught us "never to allow our emotions to dictate our decisions", and gave a half-hearted smile to Father Gordon, gave Charity a momentary hug...and proceeded...I had to see Mom.
Mom was in Dad's big room...it was basically a man-cave. Dad had your typical "man-stuff" in there...deer head, sports pictures, weight set, and numerous photos of Mom they had taken together through the years...at beaches, on mountains...you know... stuff like that.
As I entered the room, Mom was surrounded by people...Shawn, Derik, a few friends...and then...it happened.
I was standing all alone at the entrance of the room...that being almost too much to bear. I looked around the room...it was like I was in a fog or something. I was glancing at the photos Mom and Dad had taken together...Mom is really beautiful...when suddenly I looked...there were Mom's eyes...fastened directly on me....and I looked directly into her eyes.
Shawn...the "macho man" of the family...could be really sensitive at times. He knew there was a special closeness with Mom and I, and he saw our eye contact. At that moment, Shawn speaks up loudly with an authority to his words saying: " I would appreciate it if everyone got out...out of this room...like now...please!" Shawn then nodded his head at me...and softly said: "Take your time". I saw Derik and Charity embrace...almost clinging to one another, and I meanwhile continued to have my eyes fastened...on the most wonderful lady God has ever made...well, I hope this God has a little mercy left in Him...this is not a time to hurt my Mom...not in any way.
Mom had sat in Dad's overstuffed, one and a half size chairs. Dad thought this was the coolest chair God had ever made..."Why do I keep bringing His name up?"
So, I simply "climbed in" next to Mom. That's the last thing I really remember....
I really don't know how long Mom and I cried...it literally seemed like days, yet later I was told Mom and I were in there by ourselves for a little more than an hour.
I guess we were crying so loud...so hard...so continual...that others were wanting to come and comfort us. Yet, Shawn would not allow it...he told them to all go home....we have to deal with us in the way the Coles do. He appreciated their concern....and they left...well except for family...and Charity. Father Gordon stayed too...talking with my brothers and sisters.
I remember Mom arising from the chair, grabbing and pulling me up, and saying: " Ok, I know your father would not want this to drag on Annie. It's time we face the music."
Mom was in a type of shock... and it would be a few days before she really grasped the finality of it all. As for me....just one word kept bouncing in my head: "Why?"...."Why...I mean...How could You?"....
And Charity then drove me home....
As we walked through the front door, it seemed like utter chaos. People were everywhere. Some of my brothers and sisters had already arrived, friends and other members of our family had started to arrive, and there was Father Gordon...sitting in a chair, he now stood up as I walked into the room. Charity had her arm wrapped around mine, and Father Gordon approached us.
Father Gordon was our head priest at the parish. He was an older man and had always been extremely kind to both me and my family.
I really wasn't ready to deal with any...I mean any comforting words...from anyone...including Father Gordon. As we walked up to one another, I started out cordial, introducing Charity to Father Gordon. Father Gordon asked me: "How can I help?"
I just looked at him and shook my head back and forth: "A little late for that Father...my Dad is gone." Father Gordon did not reply.
Then, being a type of person with a personality for sarcasm and a smart mouth, looked at Father Gordon and responded: "You know what...you can do something for me. Remember last Sunday in your homily where you mentioned "God being sinless"? Well, you were wrong...He sinned today...He murdered my father. Don't tell people He is loving and kind...and all that....He is certainly not!"
It was at that moment...something began to break. I felt this extreme hurt and pain coming from my stomach...and tears began to pour down my cheek. I leaned on Charity, who braced me with her arms...and I started to cry...crying in an almost revengeful manner. It hurt...so bad. Father Gordon stood there beside us, saying nothing, just bowing his head. I began to cry hard for a moment...and I reached out and grabbed Father Gordon's hand...it wasn't his fault he believed in a God...that could be that mean.
I kind of regathered myself...Mom had always taught us "never to allow our emotions to dictate our decisions", and gave a half-hearted smile to Father Gordon, gave Charity a momentary hug...and proceeded...I had to see Mom.
Mom was in Dad's big room...it was basically a man-cave. Dad had your typical "man-stuff" in there...deer head, sports pictures, weight set, and numerous photos of Mom they had taken together through the years...at beaches, on mountains...you know... stuff like that.
As I entered the room, Mom was surrounded by people...Shawn, Derik, a few friends...and then...it happened.
Shawn...the "macho man" of the family...could be really sensitive at times. He knew there was a special closeness with Mom and I, and he saw our eye contact. At that moment, Shawn speaks up loudly with an authority to his words saying: " I would appreciate it if everyone got out...out of this room...like now...please!" Shawn then nodded his head at me...and softly said: "Take your time". I saw Derik and Charity embrace...almost clinging to one another, and I meanwhile continued to have my eyes fastened...on the most wonderful lady God has ever made...well, I hope this God has a little mercy left in Him...this is not a time to hurt my Mom...not in any way.
Mom had sat in Dad's overstuffed, one and a half size chairs. Dad thought this was the coolest chair God had ever made..."Why do I keep bringing His name up?"
So, I simply "climbed in" next to Mom. That's the last thing I really remember....
I really don't know how long Mom and I cried...it literally seemed like days, yet later I was told Mom and I were in there by ourselves for a little more than an hour.
I guess we were crying so loud...so hard...so continual...that others were wanting to come and comfort us. Yet, Shawn would not allow it...he told them to all go home....we have to deal with us in the way the Coles do. He appreciated their concern....and they left...well except for family...and Charity. Father Gordon stayed too...talking with my brothers and sisters.
I remember Mom arising from the chair, grabbing and pulling me up, and saying: " Ok, I know your father would not want this to drag on Annie. It's time we face the music."
Mom was in a type of shock... and it would be a few days before she really grasped the finality of it all. As for me....just one word kept bouncing in my head: "Why?"...."Why...I mean...How could You?"....
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