Tuesday, July 17, 2012

If Love is the Answer....Could You Please Rephrase the Question

Lily Tomlin, a comedienne and actress said those words in reference to having a relationship.

Throughout history we have been inundated with what makes for a successful relationship work for 2 people in love.
 Honestly, I don't have a clear answer myself although I have had the fortune of seeing a few relationships around me have success in making it work.

 And then there are the quotes of those that are written down in history... some saying not to take life too seriously.... here are some of the more light-hearted quotes I have read on relationships:
1) A person can actually read of comments on this as far back as 400 B.C. "Euripides" wrote a view on marriage by saying: "Never say marriage has more joy than pain." It doesn't appear he was enjoying life at that moment, or perhaps he was just having a "bad day".
2) Socrates himself gave an opinion on relationships and marriage when he wrote: " By all means marry! If you have a good wife...you have found happiness! If you end up with a "bad one"...you become a philosopher!"
3) Mary Poppins got in on this as well when she said these words in a light-heart manner(I think?): "Though we adore men individually, we agree as a group they're rather stupid!"
4) Miss Piggy has offered this thought: "Is there a cure for a broken heart? Only time can heal a broken heart...just as time can heal his broken arms and legs."
5) Then there is the quite controversial Rosanne Barr who made this observance: " A good man just doesn't happen. They have to be created...by women. A guy is at first a "lump", kind of like a doughnut. So, first, you have to get rid of all the stuff his Mom did to him. Then, you got to get rid of all the "macho crap" they pick-up on beer commercials, then it comes to my personal favorite: the male ego."
6) Dennis Miller, TV comedian said after his first 7 years of marriage: " Never wallpaper together, and you do need 2 bathrooms...both are hers."
 Ok, with all the light-hearted "stuff"... there seems to come a glaring truth behind it all as well. What makes a relationship work?
 My take on relationships and their lasting value is centered around  the word "tender". I think when you lose that "tenderness" for the other person....danger could be eminent.
Tenderness : two abstract figures People and "guys" in particular have a tendency to blend "tender" with being "weak". I personally think that is so far from the truth. When you are tender with one another,,,it seems qualities like being sensitive, having gentle emotions, and concern for the other carries some strong characteristics,  yet it can expose you to being vulnerable, easily crushed, and sometimes it can really hurt. And that is probably why "guys" choose to call it weak...got to protect yourself from something like that happening, right?

 I am a big believer that the opposite of love...is not hate. The simple reason is love and hate demand passion....and hate in all its fury is an act of vengeance...you can still love the person and hate him/her as well.
 I think the opposite of love is: indifference....you don't care anymore. Showing any care, concern with the other, and certainly being tender. is no longer a part of you.

 There is so much "out there" on how to have a successful relationship...both in the Christian world and the secular. Following certain steps may have reaped benefits for some....yet not for others. It has to be something that comes up out of you...something that comes from the heart...like tenderness. That's my humble opinion anyway.

 One of my favorite songs in regards to " broken" relationships is the song "Stay" by Sugarland. It came out in 2007 and the video is pretty cool. Country is not my only choice of music, but I do think the video brings out the frustrations of...in this case infidelity.
 The chorus Jennifer Nettles sings has some real heart-rendering words:

 "Why don't you stay, I'm down on my knees. I'm so tired of being lonely, Don't I give you what you need? When she calls you to go, there is one thing you should know. We don't have to live this way...Baby, why don't you stay?"
Then, as she portrays one "gathering herself" a little, the last part of the song goes: "So the next time you find you wanna leave her bed for mine......Why don't you stay, I'm up off my knees, I'm so tired of being lonely, and you can't give me what I need. When she begs you not to go...there is one thing you should know...I don't have to live life this way. Baby, why don't you stay..."

 I just notice people seem to be hurt everywhere...people say they hurt because they are not in a relationship, and people say they hurt because they are in a relationship.
 And just in case you might think I am hurting from a break-up, the answer  is No, I really am not hurting ...but it just seems I am around all of it lately.

Personally, I have had my share of  "challenges" in relationships, but as Ellen Burstyn (actress) was quoted: "What a lovely surprise...to discover how unlonely being alone can really be!"


Here's what works for me: It is from St. Matthew 12: somewhere around verse 20:
                                  (A Gleaning Format)
" I've placed my Spirit on Him, and He will decree what true justice and fairness in life is all about. He doesn't need to yell at us or even raise His Voice. He doesn't make a lot of commotion on how messed up your life might be, and when He comes to rescue you...He won't stomp all over your feelings or push you into some corner...."

 That seems to be a good start....being at peace with...Him.




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