A "True Friend"...knows how to forgive....

I read of a woman's reaction when her closest friend referred to her as an "angel". She thought about the compliment her dearest friend had said of her...and remarked: " I am appreciative you regard me in such high esteem, and if this"angel" in me "breaks a wing", I hope my "angel attitude" remains true, and not jump on the nearest "broomstick", and continue to fly.".........

 As the saying goes: "Good friends are hard to find". What makes a person become a...close friend? What causes one to let down "the walls", expose the "real me", and not be afraid to do so....trusting the one you open and "bare your heart"?
 There are volumes of material written on this subject, and could easily become a lifetime study if researched in detail and all the various angles that make up this phrase..."a true friend". 
 I certainly do not understand all that makes up the title of a true friend, yet there are a couple of words that come to mind, one being trust, and the other being forgiveness.
 My focus at the moment is on...the power of forgiveness.

 Forgiveness brings many benefits... it is said forgiveness has the power to make us happier, can improve our physical health, sustain close relationships, resolve conflicts, can actually work as a "boost" in extending kindness to others, and in general forgiveness has a way of helping us stay connected with those around us, particularly those who are close to us...the ones we love and cherish
  In the ancient Aramaic language, the one Jesus used when He was "One of us", the word forgiveness is defined as: "to untie". I kind of like that...because to me this is what forgiveness is really about. You are simply undoing a knot...that makes a string or rope impossible to use...it won't fit through the hole, in this case the "holes" we encounter in everyday life. Instead of slipping the string through the hole to tie things( or us) more together, everything is left undone...and alone.

 Yet, forgiveness involves a process. It takes making hard choices, a willingness to let go of an issue when someone has done you wrong, and it takes practice...because having issues with others....happen, and they seem to happen a whole lot more than what we would like.
 Here are 12 tips that I have found beneficial when dealing with the subject of...forgiveness:

1. Take a moment and realize the anger you may be feeling at the moment...is just that...a feeling. Don't let feelings dictate decisions that need to be made. Simply "feeling angry" doesn't really harm anyone...except yourself.
2. Having obstacles that come into the center of friendships at times...is perfectly normal. It's just a part of being human. Step back a moment, give yourself some time to get a more objective view of what just happened, and begin to look for any possible solutions that can be applied.
3. This tip is easier said than done, yet if you can get to this point, the benefits are excellent. Look for ways when you have found yourself facing unforgiveness...to turn the situation around...and let this confrontation work for you...and not against you. In other words, learn from this tough experience, how it all started, what could have been done different, or how can it be resolved....and what does it "cost me" to be willing to resolve a conflict....like "Is the friendship worth more to me than choosing not to forgive"...stuff like that.
4. Weigh out the "positives" of why you are friends in the first place...is it worth it to you to want to remain friends?
5. This is tricky...but sometimes finding comfort in another's advice is extremely helpful... the trick is...share your thoughts with someone you can trust. You don't want to put your confidence in someone whose intent is to "spread the problem" to...the world. Just sayin'.
6. If the conflict is of value to you, take some quality time (vs. quantity) and look for ways to get through the "dark forest" and back into the light. If you can see a possible path, bring your emotions along with you...they need to go through this process as well. Above all, this is not the time to suppress your feelings and emotions, they just need to be adjusted and put in proper perspective.
7. When you have reached the conclusion to forgive someone...do it for yourself...not for them...at least not at first. You will need God's help to do this right. Find out how Jesus did it...in fact...remember He did this very thing...for you. If you can't get past yourself, your chances of forgiving someone else is greatly diminished. This includes forgiving yourself...get over the "self-pride" thing.
8. Learn to "balance your life". The reality of life is knowing that all the friendships we may encounter...are not always trustworthy...to you. Painful memories can serve to help you (in time)...and not hurt you.
9. "Shut it Down". Don't let the situation keep going over and over in your mind. And above all, don't keep telling the story to everyone else.
10. If you are unable to "shut it down", then try telling the story...from the other person's view...the one who you are having the issue with.
11. Here is one that I have personally found the toughest thing to do...yet when I "give it up" and do it, the results are amazing. Get down on your knees ( or something similar), extend your arms to the heavens, and ask God to bless the one you are in conflict with...speaking from the heart...not just lip service. I would dare anyone to try this one...I guarantee when you arise from your knees...you won't be the same.
12. Keep it all in balance. The conflict may have been both deep and personal...life still moves on...there is a whole world out there...and you are needed out there...there are people counting on....you! 

 There are "tons of verses" of Scripture on forgiveness...just type in "Bible verses on Forgiveness"...and as we all know....you will have enough choices for a lifetime. For me, I have always kept Proverbs 17:9 close to heart...here are a couple of versions I happen to like:

{Contemporary English}: " You will keep your friends if you forgive them, but you will lose your friends if you keep talking about what they did wrong."

{New Living Translation}: "Love prospers when a fault is forgiven, but dwelling on it...separates the closest of friends."