Children of Anxiety

  Amy Morin is a psychotherapist and LCSW (Licensed, Clinical, Social Worker,) who publishes articles in Psychology Today. She is the author of "13 Things Mentally, Strong People Don't Do."
  In an article titled "Children of Anxiety," dated 11/03/17, she addresses 10 reasons children today face a seemingly lack of emotional strength and experience dealing with everyday life.
  I became aware of this "epidemic" through association with young couples who have experienced deep frustrations raising children. A number of teacher friends have also expressed similar frustrations. Here are some reflections:

1. Electronics. Social media and gaming can develop into an unhealthy escape when perimeters are not set. The reason is a child simply avoids any discomfort or development of mental strength, and slips away into a fantasy world.
2. Happiness is the Rage. "Fixing" another person's unhappiness is an age old problem. In today's culture, emphasis is put on parents and teachers to create an environment that is always a "happy one." As a result, children are taught if they do not feel happy 24/7, something is wrong. They are not given opportunities to deal with feelings of sadness, guilt, and disappointments, feelings that are also part of our emotional makeup.
3. Parents give Unrealistic Praise. Chanting phrases like "You're the best!," or "We are all winners!," doesn't guarantee a higher self-esteem. Ironically, it can put pressure on children to live up to that label(s) which can lead to a crippling fear of failure, rejection, and depression.
4. Parents become "Personal Assistants" to their young Teenager."  Parents will go to the extreme for their child to attain success and not hear the deeper cries for help. These cries may include fear of failure, not understanding any purpose for discomfort, or a fear of rejection. Teachers often face pressures which demand a child graduate, regardless how low the "bar must be set." Some teachers have expressed the use of "dumbing it down" if necessary.
5. Undeveloped Emotional Skills/Experience when They Leave Home. A national survey given to 1502 first year college students resulted in 60% of students lack of confidence in their emotional skills. Lack of these experienced skills include the fear of failure (parents not there to bail them out,) not understanding discomfort, and a lack of problem solving skills. Also, the lack of having ability to manage time only added to their stress levels.
6.  Parents see themselves as Protectors rather than Guides.  Parents think their role in child rearing is to help them grow up with as few emotional scars as possible. This thought has bled over to school systems as well. Children are "protected" and not given opportunity to deal with problems on their own before seeking advice.
7. Extreme Drive by Parents. Parents get so involved pushing so hard it causes children to be terrified of making any decisions on their own. Others don't push their children at all which results in opting out of anything that sounds "anxiety-provoking."
8. Parents are Motivated out of their own Guilt and Fear. This can result in children rejecting any "uncomfortable" options...rationalized as intolerable.
9. Unstructured Play. Children are not given opportunities to manage disagreements without always having a "referee."  Solitary time gives children time to gather their own thoughts and find a comfort within their own strengths/weaknesses of their emotional makeup.
10. Family Hierarchies out of Whack. Children desire parents and teachers to be leaders, even when there might be flaws in parental or teaching system. If a parent or teacher is aprenhensive in leading, anxiety in children skyrockets.