Empathy and Loving Yourself....a take from Matthew 22:39

                             Empathy and Loving Yourself...a take from Matthew 22:39

  The English Living Dictionary describes empathy as "the ability to understand and share the feelings of another."
  Jesus said in Matthew 22:39, from The Message version, "We are to love the Lord with all our passion, our hearts, and our intelligence. The second commandment is to love others as well as you love yourself. All the other commands depend on...these two."
  In an online article from Psych Central, Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S., breaks down some "empathetic boundaries" during this holiday season of giving. Being made aware of so many needs throughout the world, visiting friends and family, and the cries of various charities needing assistance, can be overwhelming and sometimes lead to decisions based on guilt, shame, or pressures from others. Here are a few things to consider as this Christmas season continues:

1. Set Empathetic Boundaries: Allow yourself space and intervals of solitude to "clear your head." Discuss plans with people who refresh and recharge you. Be aware of those who drain you. Sometimes you have to go by your "gut feelings" and recognize when you feel your best and when you feel the worst. One idea for a check-in is keeping a simple journal to remind yourself of goals and plans for this season.

2. Pause Before Saying "Yes:"  It has become an involuntary response to say, "Yes, of course!." to any request that comes our way during this season. One suggestion is to take a pause before blurting out a commitment. Try phrases like "Let me check my schedule," or "May I get back with you...say tomorrow?" We need time to respect our personal efforts and energies before emotionally accepting a request. Perhaps a good question to ask yourself is: "If I don't want to do this, does that "inner voice" within respond, "That's okay." Emotions are not our best governors when making decisions.

3. Shifting Your Perspective: When you surmise it is best to decline a request or choosing a present that is beyond your budget, you can still answer in an empathetic manner; a) "I understand your needs, but at the moment I am struggling with issues myself. Perhaps I can be more of a help at a different time." b) "I would like to hear more about this, but right now I am a little overwhelmed." c) "I understand but if I take anything else on at the moment, I would have to compromise some concerns already on my plate."

4. Use Another's Reaction as a Valuable Sign: Understanding reactions can be vital to our decision making. Do others react by "pushing against you," not take "no" for an answer, or use guilt and shame to influence your emotions. Do they respect your boundaries? A fact of life I have found is people do not always reciprocate with the same fervor I feel for them. And that in itself is okay. Just remember to invest yourself in relationships where boundaries and needs are respected, not where they are not.

One final note: Don't wait to set boundaries when you are overwhelmed and exhausted. Set boundaries that include yourself...now! Have a wonderful holiday season!