"It is our choices
That show what we truly are.
Far more than our abilities."
J.K. Rowling
---------------------------------------------------------------
3.2 million people in the U.S.A. are estimated to deal with this sickness. It may appear in physical confrontations or verbal encounters. Either way, the emotional and subsequent mental damage is often permanent. There is no known cure...
Psychology defines Narcissism as " extreme self-confidence, with a grandiose view of one's own talent and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type." The Mayo Clinic adds "a lack of empathy for others." The emotional abuse of narcissism leaves an ugly trail. Many go to the grave taking this pain with them.
Origins of narcissism are thought to initially wound their victims in early childhood. It arrives under a guise of cold un-empathetic parents, identity of success valued by looks /intellect/talent, or burdensome expectations piled on young children at an early age resulting in a constant struggle to gain approval instead of just being kids.
It is coupled with passive-aggressive behavior birthed in a young victim. Passive-aggressive is defined as "a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others." Although the reaction may sound passive, the resistance develops into an aggression that is rationalized by a sense of entitlement. A great fear of abandonment develops from early experiences resulting in thoughts of under performing and ultimate rejection.
The English word narcissism is taken from the stories of Greek gods. A god named Narcissus rejected the love of one named Echo. He was condemned to fall in love with his reflection in a pool of water. He died in sorrow.
Narcissism has numerous effects in family dynamics. A child whose life is wrecked in havoc by this sickness result in several common variables.
1. The right to personal privacy is not a basic rule ( because their privacy was taken from them.)
2. The closed doors of a narcissistic mind are filled with frustration and anguish (because their childhood was ravaged.)
3. The use of charm is exercised to gather information about other members to be used later. Family members become "quarantined victims" through smearing of apparent dysfunctional behavior and obscure secret agendas. Family members are segregated by pain pitted against another ( because of the bitter feelings of a narcissist who has grown to abhor the success of others fueled by thoughts their own success has been robbed.)
4. Success of other family members require a narcissist to "move the goal posts." Nitpicking becomes a norm. An example is when a positive comment is made about another like "Their career is successful." The narcissist might reply "Yes, I wonder why they are not making enough to support themselves instead of borrowing money all the time." (Because the focus is on any flaws, true or false. The initial impression from early childhood rejection resulting in adult envy or jealousy.)
5. Sabotage is a component to narcissistic behavior. They might attack the personal goals, vacations, or holiday celebrations in diverse ways. Financial dependence is a tool often used. Normally a selfish attempt to put attention on them ( because of inner desires to not allow anything come between their influence over you, resulting from thoughts of neglect in childhood, true or false.)
There are many other various examples of narcissistic behavior within family dynamics.
Are there any possible solutions that a victim can use to protect themselves and/or possibly help a person embraced in a narcissistic lifestyle? Allow me to suggest a few.
1. First, remember toxic people like the narcissist are not engaging in confrontations because they are desiring to "pick a fight." They are in a fight with themselves. A victim is simply privy to their behavior. The narcissist looks for drama, only to counter with ridiculous assertions. The victim needs to understand not to "feed them." Learning to remain calm, be factual, do not sugar coat, keep conversations short, and know when to disengage. Your attitude should be like visiting a haunted house. You want to get out the first chance you get!
2. Always display a positive and objective attitude when in conversation. A narcissist may look like a healthy red apple, but worm is alive in its core.
3. Do not disclose personal information as much as possible. Keep away from discussing any relationships, how the job is going, and do not ask for help. Equally, do not try to rescue a narcissist. Allow your actions be encouragement.
4. Have purpose and know what you want in conversation. Let the narcissist commit to you, NOT you to them.
5. In some cases, no contact is best. Heal up, get support through therapy and others who understand. Sometimes it is best to permanantly disengage.
I have experienced narcissistic behavior from a family member all my life. The results are brutal. It was not from my core family ( mother, father, or sibling.) The damage has brought a family in shreds. In my childhood years, gatherings for birthdays and holidays were continuous. Now, many of my family members have not even seen one another or spoke on the phone for years. I do not have anyone from my family on Face Book. The trust is gone.
I don't point a finger at the individual suffering from narcissistic behavior, but I wish I would have received support much earlier than I did.
It doesn't mean I don't love this person or that I am a "perfect angel." I simply cannot allow the influence of this vicious behavior have power attempting to dominate my life.
I still have hope of a re-unity, yet I know much time has passed.
There is much more to the impact of narcissism. If you have suffered from the deep hurts of a narcissist, I share this to let it be known, you are not alone.
That show what we truly are.
Far more than our abilities."
J.K. Rowling
---------------------------------------------------------------
3.2 million people in the U.S.A. are estimated to deal with this sickness. It may appear in physical confrontations or verbal encounters. Either way, the emotional and subsequent mental damage is often permanent. There is no known cure...
Psychology defines Narcissism as " extreme self-confidence, with a grandiose view of one's own talent and a craving for admiration, as characterizing a personality type." The Mayo Clinic adds "a lack of empathy for others." The emotional abuse of narcissism leaves an ugly trail. Many go to the grave taking this pain with them.
Origins of narcissism are thought to initially wound their victims in early childhood. It arrives under a guise of cold un-empathetic parents, identity of success valued by looks /intellect/talent, or burdensome expectations piled on young children at an early age resulting in a constant struggle to gain approval instead of just being kids.
It is coupled with passive-aggressive behavior birthed in a young victim. Passive-aggressive is defined as "a behavior characterized by indirect resistance to the demands of others." Although the reaction may sound passive, the resistance develops into an aggression that is rationalized by a sense of entitlement. A great fear of abandonment develops from early experiences resulting in thoughts of under performing and ultimate rejection.
The English word narcissism is taken from the stories of Greek gods. A god named Narcissus rejected the love of one named Echo. He was condemned to fall in love with his reflection in a pool of water. He died in sorrow.
Narcissism has numerous effects in family dynamics. A child whose life is wrecked in havoc by this sickness result in several common variables.
2. The closed doors of a narcissistic mind are filled with frustration and anguish (because their childhood was ravaged.)
3. The use of charm is exercised to gather information about other members to be used later. Family members become "quarantined victims" through smearing of apparent dysfunctional behavior and obscure secret agendas. Family members are segregated by pain pitted against another ( because of the bitter feelings of a narcissist who has grown to abhor the success of others fueled by thoughts their own success has been robbed.)
4. Success of other family members require a narcissist to "move the goal posts." Nitpicking becomes a norm. An example is when a positive comment is made about another like "Their career is successful." The narcissist might reply "Yes, I wonder why they are not making enough to support themselves instead of borrowing money all the time." (Because the focus is on any flaws, true or false. The initial impression from early childhood rejection resulting in adult envy or jealousy.)
5. Sabotage is a component to narcissistic behavior. They might attack the personal goals, vacations, or holiday celebrations in diverse ways. Financial dependence is a tool often used. Normally a selfish attempt to put attention on them ( because of inner desires to not allow anything come between their influence over you, resulting from thoughts of neglect in childhood, true or false.)
There are many other various examples of narcissistic behavior within family dynamics.
Are there any possible solutions that a victim can use to protect themselves and/or possibly help a person embraced in a narcissistic lifestyle? Allow me to suggest a few.
1. First, remember toxic people like the narcissist are not engaging in confrontations because they are desiring to "pick a fight." They are in a fight with themselves. A victim is simply privy to their behavior. The narcissist looks for drama, only to counter with ridiculous assertions. The victim needs to understand not to "feed them." Learning to remain calm, be factual, do not sugar coat, keep conversations short, and know when to disengage. Your attitude should be like visiting a haunted house. You want to get out the first chance you get!
2. Always display a positive and objective attitude when in conversation. A narcissist may look like a healthy red apple, but worm is alive in its core.
4. Have purpose and know what you want in conversation. Let the narcissist commit to you, NOT you to them.
5. In some cases, no contact is best. Heal up, get support through therapy and others who understand. Sometimes it is best to permanantly disengage.
I have experienced narcissistic behavior from a family member all my life. The results are brutal. It was not from my core family ( mother, father, or sibling.) The damage has brought a family in shreds. In my childhood years, gatherings for birthdays and holidays were continuous. Now, many of my family members have not even seen one another or spoke on the phone for years. I do not have anyone from my family on Face Book. The trust is gone.
I don't point a finger at the individual suffering from narcissistic behavior, but I wish I would have received support much earlier than I did.
It doesn't mean I don't love this person or that I am a "perfect angel." I simply cannot allow the influence of this vicious behavior have power attempting to dominate my life.
I still have hope of a re-unity, yet I know much time has passed.
There is much more to the impact of narcissism. If you have suffered from the deep hurts of a narcissist, I share this to let it be known, you are not alone.
